Me Tarzan, You Jane? Why Men and Women are Different
by Gabrielle Pickle
It’s all over twitter. It’s discussed in detail in all the recent dating and relationship books. It screamed at us from reality television. Every successful TV matchmaker positively demands it.
Men are hunters. Women are responders.
Patti Stanger, The Millionaire Matchmaker, is famous for berating her girls to “Give him space to chase! Be the hunted!” Steve Ward, VH1 Tough Love host, explains “Men like a challenge; it’s in their nature. They love the thrill of the hunt. It’s okay to make him earn a relationship with you. If he is really interested he’ll do what it takes to see you.” Popular performer Steve Harvey, in his chapter entitled, ‘Strong, Independent and Lonely Women,’ says “If men can’t exercise two of the major components that make up who we are as men –providing and protecting-then we’re not about to profess our love for you.” He goes on to say that women who don’t need their men to be men (because the women are busy being the male in the relationship) will date perpetual boys who will use them or men who will leave them for women who are the women in relationships. Even reality TV shows like the Bachelor/ette have proven it…. When many men pursue one woman…. There is sometimes a happy ending. But when many women pursue one man…. They breakup in a few months. The entire secular world, feminists included, has come to observe that for a relationship to be successful, the man needs to be the pursuer.
Men are hunters. Women are responders.
Scripture not only supports this truth, it reveals that God designed men and women this way. God created Adam as protector and provider, “The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and keep it.” (Gen. 2:15) Then God created Eve as the helper for Adam, because “for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. (Gen. 2:20-24) God created man as protector/provider and designed woman to be his helper.
This truth is not confined to Genesis; the entire book of Song of Songs is a beautiful, graphic, picture of a bridegroom pursuing his love. He initiates their relationship and she responds to his tender courtship. (Song of Solomon) He pursues, she responds. Another story that reveals this truth, one not so happy or romantic, is that of Hosea and Gomer. The prophet of God who married a prostitute. He went out and found her, rescued her from a life of sin and shame – he married her. Again and again Gomer returns to her past life, leaving behind the man who gave her everything. He pursues, she responds – although her response is not always positive.
But why? Why are men hunters and woman responders?
Patti attributes the male hunter behavior to innate masculine energy. “The man is the hunter and the woman is the gatherer, and the man is supposed to provide for the woman. So if she begins to provide for him, she gives off masculine energy, and it throws everything off balance.” Steve Harvey speaks of DNA, “Encoded in the DNA of the male species is that we are to be the provider and the protector of the family.” Matchmaker Steve Ward assumes it has to do with evolution. Men are hunters because somewhere deep down inside is a remnant of their ancestors – the prehistoric cavemen. Supposedly, prehistoric man lived in caves and provided for his family by hunting. Chasing down prey was his first job and first sport. Many believe that this evolutionary instinct is still present in men today. No better picture of the “caveman” behavior than Tarzan. He lived like an animal, surviving off the land. Initially, he was only able to communicate in a series of grunts. Yet, he somehow managed to win the heart of an intelligent woman like Jane, solely through his persistent pursuit.
But why? Why did God created men as pursuers and woman as responders?
Not because deep down there are still remnants of prehistoric caveman ancestors, but because God intentionally designed them that way. God’s design of masculinity as pursuer of femininity directly reflects Christ’s pursuit of his bride, the church. Jesus pursued us, his bride. (1 John 4:19) Jesus made the provision for us to have a relationship with him. (Is. 53:5) His love is unconditional and unfailing. (Rom. 8:38-39)
Male and female directly reflect Christ’s pursuit of his bride. “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. (Eph. 5:25-32)
Men are pursuers. Women are responders. Because gender is a picture of the gospel. God’s “role assignments” for men and women are a living picture of Christ’s pursuit and provision of us, the church, his bride. We, the females, are designed to be responders. Not as punishment for being less skilled or weak, but because this is how Jesus asks us to glorify him. Your Savior is asking you to be the responder in your dating relationships, in your marriage, in your church – so that His redemptive salvation is declared to the world. That way, even if there isn’t a second date, even if your marriage is on the rocks, Jesus is made known through your behavior. By refusing to ‘be the man’ and embracing God’s design for your femininity, He gets glory.
Not because he is a modern-day Tarzan and you are his Jane….
But because, as male and female, you are a reflection of your Savior to the world.
This article originally posted February 2011 on www.GirlsGoneWise.com.
© Gabrielle Pickle
About Gabrielle Pickle: Committed to serving as a voice for silenced, Gabrielle is the Associate Director of Communications for She Is Safe, a nonprofit dedicated to providing new life to abused and exploited women and girls in highest-risk places around the world. She is also one of the contributing writers at the Unlocking Femininity online magazine, providing biblical truth to today’s woman.